1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done
    already.

 2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.

 3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.

 4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount
    of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.

 5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new
    technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my
    obligations.

 6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the
    amount of time given.

 7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though
    infinitesimally small, is not exactly zero.

 8. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.

 9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to
    change my mind.

10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or
    write the first word, when I get around to it.

11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the
    task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done
    prior to beginning the greater task.

12. I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish, but is
    wait/plan/plan.

13. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.

14. I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles (the
    Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized.