Modern Philosophy

ON METAPHYSICS
Deja Fu: The feeling that somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked in the head like this before.
ON HIGHER EDUCATION
College is a fountain of knowledge... and the students are there to drink.
ON MATHEMATICAL TRANSFORMS
A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.
ON PROBLEM SOLVING
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail.
-- Abraham Maslow
ON MATERIALISM
He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.
ON INFINITY
If you had everything, where would you keep it?
ON ECONOMICS
The cost of living hasn't affected demand.
ON PUBLISHING OR PERISHING
I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
-- English Professor, Ohio University
ON REVISIONIST HISTORY
What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?
ON POETIC LOVE
When you're swimmin' in the creek
And an eel bites your cheek
That's a moray!
-- Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers
ON MODERNISM
Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
ON MATERIAL SCIENCE
Character density: The number of very weird people in the office.
ON EXTINCTION
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
ON LITERATURE
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
-- Dorothy Parker
ON HUMILITY
To err is human, to moo bovine.
ON PROPHECY
The meek shall inherit the earth -- they are too weak to refuse.
ON SUCCESS
So what if you win the rat race... You're still a rat. (anon)
ON NUMBERS
Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for very large values of 2.
ON WORLD POLITICS
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.

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